Talking to Tweens and Teens about Substance Use
Drug and alcohol use can be a difficult topic for tweens, teens, and their parents, but not talking about it does not prevent tweens or teens from using substances. During adolescence, tweens and teens will have friends that begin to experiment with substances, have increased opportunities to access substances, may experience peer pressure or their own curiosity to try substances, and a good number may be already impacted by substance use in their home environment.
Parents often will avoid this topic out of fear that they don’t have enough information, might say the wrong thing, or put the idea of using substances into their tween or teen’s head. It’s important to remember that this topic is what I call a never ending topic meaning that it continues through middle school, high school, and college while they develop into a full functioning adult.
Below are some tips and tricks to begin the discussion.
Get Accurate Information
Parents, it is essential that you gather facts about different types of substances and the impact of substance use to adolescent well-being from reputable sources such as the ones below in the resource section. It will be important for you to know the differences between use, abuse, and addiction to assist in deciding if your tween or teen requires additional help such as support groups, medical professionals, and/or mental health professionals. My suggestion is to start gathering this information around third grade or even earlier if your child has been exposed to substances through others or used themselves. If you find during a discussion that you do not know something that is okay! Model for your tween or teen how to find accurate information and normalize that it’s okay to not know everything!
Talking About It
Now that you have a good amount of information you are ready to talk about substance use. Look for natural opportunities such as when substance use is mentioned in t.v. shows, books, or social media posts. Try to align discussions with school substance use awareness weeks or
days giving the tweens or teens opportunities to share their thoughts and feelings about the information provided.
Listen
Remember to let the tweens or teens share first about what they know already, thoughts or feelings, and their fears around substance use. Parents, it is very important to validate their thoughts and feelings. Use open-ended questions rather than yes/no questions to encourage a more fruitful discussion. I’ve included example statements and questions below.
It makes sense you would feel nervous about saying no when offered weed in front of all your friends.
It’s normal to be curious about drugs and alcohol.
Do you need me to just listen or would you like a suggestion?
What questions do you have or what do you want to know more about?
Amnesty Policy
If you are reading this blog post I can assume that you want to support tweens and teens in your life with staying emotionally and physically safe. Just by opening the topic of substance use for discussion with them you have taken the first step in encouraging them to be open and honest with you. Creating an “amnesty policy” can provide an additional safeguard for them when unsafe situations arise. An amnesty situation allows your child to call and ask for help without fear of the consequences they may receive for trying to hide their behavior. Please understand it does not mean there will be no consequences, but the consequences may be adjusted due to them making a safe choice. The next day when everyone is calm, parents and the young person will engage in a discussion about substance use and the safety issue. Lots of praise should be given for their use of the amnesty policy! Some examples of possible amnesty situations are listed below.
Driving Under the Influence: This can be whether it’s your tween or teen under the influence or their ride is under the influence.
Group Trespassing or Vandalism
Uncomfortable Dating Situations: Person took them to a hotel unexpectedly, is being abusive, is pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do, witnessed or experienced a sexual assault, etc.
Types of Help
It’s important for teens to have multiple resources that they can reach out to for help when needed. This can include parents/caregivers, friends, parents of friends, extended family members, trusted spiritual leaders, crisis lines or emergency numbers, etc. Consider allowing the amnesty policy to apply with parents of friends, other extended family members, or other trusted adults to increase its use. Help the tween or teen program a list of support phone numbers including support individuals, crisis lines including text or chat, and emergency numbers on their electronic devices. Normalize that there are times everyone can use additional
help through a support group or professional help such as meeting with a therapist. It’s even better if a parent shares about times they have accepted help from different resources.
I hope this helps you all to start the conversation with your tweens and teens. Please feel free to comment with any questions, comments, or resources that you have used!
Lisa Torres, LMFT 48946
Resources