Gender Affirming Parenting
As a cis female-identified therapist it has been an honor to work with gender expansive or trans youth and their families. While acknowledging there are many different approaches to parenting I have found that all parents want what is best for the physical and emotional well-being of their child. It is not uncommon for parents to experience their own grief process as they leave behind who they believed their child was and celebrate the child they now have. Parents, I greatly encourage you to get your own therapist as soon as possible to help you move through this grief process and to ensure that you are not unintentionally hurting your child. Below are some key points to get you started on your gender affirming parenting journey.
Sex, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression
It’s important for parents to understand the difference between these three terms. Sex refers to what gender the medical doctors assigned at birth such as male or female and is based on anatomical body parts. Gender identity is how the child identifies such as male, female, gender expansive, non-binary, etc. Gender expression includes behavior and outer appearance such as clothes, hair, make-up, and voice. It is important to note that sexual orientation is separate from gender identity.
Pronouns
Using the correct pronouns is a simple start to showing your child that you are in acceptance of them and their gender identity. Pronouns have traditionally been binary encompassing only female (she/her/hers) and male (he/him/his) gender identities. Being a gender affirming parent means that you understand that there is a spectrum of gender beyond the traditional male/female. Additional pronouns may include they/them/theirs, ze/zir/zirs, ze/hir/hers, and many others.
Supportive Family Environment
We already know that the happiest and well-adjusted children are the ones that know they are loved and supported by their family. Creating this supportive family environment has been proven to be protective factors against suicide, drug use, HIV-related risk, depression, and homelessness. Parents please know that trying to change your child’s gender identity through denial, punishment, reparative therapy, etc. will have a negative impact on your child’s health.
It is important to have a ZERO tolerance policy for negative comments about your child that should be followed whether or not your child is present.
Five Gender Affirming Parenting Tips
Use your child’s identified name or pronouns.
Express your unconditional love and support regularly.
Advocate for your child and their emotional/physical safety at home, school, out in the community, etc.
Get more information! Explore the resources below to learn what other gender expansive youth and their families have experienced.
Learn what schools should and can do to be gender affirming towards your child. This includes using the correct name, pronouns, use of gender affirming bathroom, etc.
This blog post is just a small way to help parents do what we know they do best; love and support their child no matter the circumstances. Let me know what you think in the comment section!
Lisa Torres, LMFT
Resources